Is this writing good or is it ok? It's a part of a story I am currently writing.?
It’s written in script format, but the copy paste to yahoo screwed up the format.
INT. TOP FLOOR PENT ROOM – CASINO – NIGHT
A plump bald man smokes a large cigar while sitting behind his large wooden desk in a small dark room. He is wearing a really fancy grey and blue tuxedo his name is David Tulen and he is in charge of bounties that he places out for people to kill. He is surrounded by 8 men with guns in their hands for protection as well.
Behind him on his wall rests a large red flag with a large white star on it. He is also the owner of many of the casinos and hotels in the area. He pretty much owns the city.
To his left is his right hand man standing with two katanas wrapped to his back. This man is also wearing a black tuxedo and has short black hair with a strict intimidating look. Both katana hand grips display the star logo. His name is Nicholas Polon (Nicknamed Eckhard for his sword skills).
DAVID
What bounties have come in so far Eckhard?
ECKHARD
So far we have had Tim Yellis, Greg Hunters, Alex Steller, and…
SIMONS
[walks into the room interrupting Eckhard] Next time you send me on a bounty make sure Striker doesn’t get the same damn bounty!
The men in the room all point their guns at Simons. He stops in his place and smiles raising his hands up.
DAIVD
[grinning at Simons] What’s the matter Simons? My men frighten you?
SIMONS
[still slowly raising his up passing by his waist] No. Not at….ALL!
7.
Simons quickly reaches for a sniper rifle that’s strapped to him and shoots it twice towards the men. The two bullets ricochet off the walls in the room and make their way through each of the men’s skulls in a split second. The men all fall to the ground.
The bullets are about to hit David, but Eckhard swings out his katanas and stops the bullets on impact right in front of David’s face.
SIMONS
[Smiling at David and Eckhard] I guess you need new henchman..preferably better than these ones. And the last. [walks up to David's desk and puts his sniper rifle strapback on him]
Eckhard slides his katanas back in to their scabbards.
DAVID
[putting out his cigar in the ash trey] You can never take a joke..that’s what I like about you. Now what was your complaint?
Simons slams his hands down on to the desk and looks at David vigorously. A figure walks into the room, but is covered by a shadow making it difficult to tell who he is. All we can see is a red eye glimmer in the dark.
STRIKER
[walks out of the shadows to reveal himself] He’s complaining about how I beat him to his bounty. I spotted him a quarter mile away on a mountain top after I finished the job. [walks up to the desk]…I’ll take that 0 now.
Should have mentioned this is an anime haha
