In an adult relationship if a man claims monogamy is hard, would you consider a serious relationship with him?
Long ago I dated a guy when I was 19. He was the best guy I had ever dated. While things were going quite well, we were torn from each other by things that we had no control over. And no he never cheated and neither did I.
Well, as fate would have it, we recently ran into each other online. He is interested in getting together after all these years. So we chatted via the phone for a few weeks getting caught up. We have a lot in common, many things have not changed between us. We have both been married and divorced. However, we still "click" together like birds of a feather. Except one thing that he mentioned, he said monogamy is hard. Well, my heart sunk. I believe in monogamy in a serious relationship. I cannot change who I am, nor will I ask anyone else to change for me.
He was always a gentleman, I respect him and he also respects me.
I tried to say we should be friends, but he wants more. OK, I see red flags, although he claims i’s not impossible to be monogamous, I cannot help my fears, I don’t want to feel as though I am setting myself up for another disaster in life. Especially by someone I think so highly of.
What do you think? What would any of you do? I appreciate all of your time and patience. Thanks in advance!
We are both grown adults, both been married and have had children. Just thought I would add that for your consideration.
Edited to add: In the past when we dated, we were in a monogamous relationship. I know neither of us had it easy with our marriages.
We both ended up being single parents. Perhaps life changed him? I appreciate all of you helping out here.
3 Responses
VintageButterfly
06 Jul 2010
TychaBrahe
06 Jul 2010
Monogamy is hard. Especially for men, for whom biologically and without the social constructs, it makes sense to mate with as many women as possible.
There are two questions. First, can he do monogamy, even though it’s hard? After all, college is hard, raising a child is hard, learning a new skill is hard but if people want them and have discipline, they can do a good job at it. The second is, does he think you are worth working hard at monogamy?
The point is, no matter how much he is tempted to cheat, being in a one-on-one relationship is important to you. If he can’t or isn’t willing to give you that, that’s fine, and let’s be friends.
ladybug
06 Jul 2010
I think you know what the situation is for you but I think you will end up ignoring the red flags that are probably the most honest thing about your outlook right now. I think you could be setting yourself up, if you choose to date this man take it steady and let things develop with out rush, but I think in honesty if you sense he is going ot cheat on you you should be prepared for that so you don’t end up hurt.
hmm….