I just learned I am co dependant help me fix this and save my relationship pls, I feel like I?
have lost myself, I take on his issues emotionally, I take the blame our issues, I don’t like being out of communication with him when we are havig difficulties, I have actually allowed him to get away with things that I would have never tollerate if he wasn’t going through problems in his life with sick family members and new job ect. I do it out of love, but I feel like I have become a door mat. This is a long distance relationship of 1.5 yrs. I believe we have what it takes to work if We can break this co dependence issue. I don’t like it at all and It is the real problem in the relationship. I would hate to see this tear us apart. He does have a slight drinking issue too which is common in all the things I read about co dependency. I am going out there soon to see him. How do I address the co dependency issue with him we are good at fixing things in our relationship. I think this is a problem that we both have. help us stop this and stay together in healthy love pls!
3 Responses
ann s
03 Jul 2010
fraxinus
03 Jul 2010
Your problem-solving skills, and perseverence will make you a good listener – and a ready help for all your friends.
Just change everything around in your question into one you might get from a girl friend in difficulties needing your guidance.
What would you tell her?
heymumma1
03 Jul 2010
It doesnt sound healthy at all.
Use the time you have apart to sort out your own stuff. You can not ‘fix’ him, he has to do that one himself, so dont take on that responsibility as well.
You will either grow together or grow apart but what ever the out come, do this for your self. If this relationship doesnt work out, you dont want to bring these issues to a new relationship.
Figure out what it is that you need to make YOU feel fulfilled in your own life.
Even in ‘healthy’ relationships, we are not one half, but two wholes.
All relationships need a tune up from time to time, just like the car to keep it running smoothly
firstly, a growing relationship needs effective communication skills try phrases lik "I Feel" they are less intimadating to your partner and they tend to get the message over quickly
Learn to love yourself first,listen to yourself ask your "when something happens "how do I feel" the emotional component the next component is more important " How to I react to how I feel" because every emotion has a reaction
write the emotion on the left hand side of a piece of paper and the reaction on the right compare the two, it will give you some understanding of how you are feeling and thinking
How are you doing about now?
Sometimes we do things from Fear my question the is
"Fear of What"? again another response to a feeling
Having worked through the greatest personal barrier no let’s try to fix the rest
he owns the drinking issue, and you get the fallout, get some help with this to handle it better if you choice to stay
Now let’s deal with the "What If" what if he leaves, well any relationship needs to be on an even keel, and this one is not. so unless the keel straightens with strong communication skill, you remain the door mat . with your self worth in tatters and your movation at an all time low that is not love that is usuage.
A really good book to read is called rebuilding by Bruce Fisher Ed.D.,
Good luck with everything I hope it goes the way you want it too, not the way you need it to.
when you want a relationship it is for the right reason, when you need a relationship it is for the wrong reason.
Godbless